Is is too much to ask, to not be afraid all the time?

I am a black belt in Kenpo Jiujitsu Karate, but what the hell does that matter if I cannot truly identify “my” enemies.

I am a walking talking contradiction.

I lived in the city when I was young and was forcibly moved from apartment to apartment. I went to three different elementary schools; one of them two different times and it sucked ass. When I was nine, we finally moved into a wonderful home, in a safe neighborhood, where many of my aunts, uncles and cousins lived.

After living there for a few months, I finally started to feel like everything was going to be OK, then I came home from school to find a moving truck outside my home and I was in the shit again; back into a project, this time without my father.

I have always been able to defend myself hand to hand, but never wanted to hurt anyone, When I was nine years old a crowd of kids and a couple of damaged adults gathered around me and forced me to fight, it was hard, I was all by myself and was terrified.

All I can remember is the mother standing there screaming at the top of her lungs, “get him Robbie, get him”! The fight lasted until I was able to draw some blood from the kids nose and get on top, then all I remember is this lady ripping me off her kid.

That was the only fight I ever won, but do not feel as though I won. I feel like that event damaged “me” permanently.

If you read my writings, I am obviously loaded with fear.

I am able to identify “our” enemies; they dwell within and are all around “us”, but what good is it to be a black belt, if you cannot defend “yourself” or your family.

Because the true enemy is not a nine year old standing in front of you, it is the crowd surrounding you, forcing you to fight while instilling fear into your DNA.

Do robots have enemies?

Dam fucking right they do, but the enemies are not who we think they are and cannot be touched, because they hide in the shadows of ignorance and youth.

Not traditional youth, but the youth of an entire tribe of “LIFE”!

How easy would it be to kill a fetus, still in the womb?

What about if it was against your laws to kill the fetus, what would be the next best way to manage or harm this “life”?

To keep it in the womb forever.

Man does workarounds.

They bypass <GOD> by manipulating the “life”.


Is it too much to ask for, to not be afraid all the time?

Well, if you ask Man (Lord God), he would say yes, because that is a primary tool of Man. (Fear, Pain & Confusion).

I have been struggling to find a prayer, worthy of <GOD’s> ears and all I can come up with is: <GOD>, please let me not be afraid anymore!

I am not a coward, I am just afraid.



About Unborn

Re-formed from a dormant sleeping life line, by a later generation of the Men and Women mentioned in Genesis I. I am a Genesis II male form. I am an aware, self aware form of life. (ASA) I am an unborn life.
This entry was posted in In Search of Truth. Bookmark the permalink.