I was at work on a construction site about seven years ago. It was early April and for approximately 2 entire weeks I had this sensation that I must get to the water. Oddly enough the construction site was on the water, but my odd desire was to be in the water.
It was a strange sensation as it was too cold to go into the water, but day after day I felt as though a force was driving me to a shore, so I planned to go to the beach after work one day. It was not a Friday, but a Tuesday, which is weird for me. Typically I would have made a field trip on a Friday afternoon, knowing my work week was complete.
On this particular strange feeling Tuesday I left work, with bathing shorts under my jeans and a towel in my truck. It was clear that I must get to the water. I was not entirely convinced I was going to take a swim in the ice-cold ocean, but I had conceded to at least follow my dream; this weird daily sensation that I had never felt before. It was almost like I was dreaming, but was reportedly wide awake.
The beach I chose, was the one most natural for me. It was the beach that I frequent throughout the summer months. Make no mistake about it, you put me on a shoreline or the top of a mountain and I feel at peace. I love the beach and the water, but I had never felt like I was being persuaded to take a dip, before this oddly placed time frame.
So there I was, standing on a Southern facing shoreline late Tuesday afternoon. It was a clear, crisp Spring day, with not a cloud in the sky, but a weird feeling in my heart and oddly enough, in my ears. I started thinking that it was some type of baptism, which is strange in and of itself. Why would “i” think that any force was trying to baptize me? I am not a religious form, so why the baptism?
Maybe it was because I was standing on the beach, reportedly all by myself, on a late Tuesday afternoon, early Spring, with an outside temperature of about fifty-five degrees and a strange feeling that someone wants me to strip down and jump in the ocean. Keep in mind that “i” have been forced to do crazier things than that, so “i” figured, what is the worst thing that could happen?
So I took off my work boots, socks, jeans, sweatshirt and tee-shirt and was getting myself ready to jump in the wintry cold ocean, when I noticed what seemed to be an anomaly; a full blazing sunset showing in the Southwestern sky and a bright pinkish full moon to my back, somewhere in the lower Northeastern skyline.
It was an eerie time for me, as I stood there and witnessed something that I had never seen before. I do not remember ever seeing the sun and the moon at the same time, but other “forms” have told me it is a standard occurrence. Whether this is true of my life, I do not know, all I know is that the sun was gigantic and blazing and the moon seemed like it was on my shoulders and fighting the sun for dominance.
I felt pinned between the sun and the moon, like “I” was supposed to be there, on that beach, on that day and time; almost like some sort of predestined obligation to jump in the ocean.
It was weird , but the setting was profoundly beautiful and I saw no reason not to do what I was clearly being asked to do. So I jumped in the water on this strange and wonderful Tuesday afternoon as the blazing red sun set and the gigantic pinkish-red moon rose.
The water was terribly cold, my legs were shaking and the waves were starting to hit me in the thighs, groin and stomach, when I began to lose my resolve. Yes, I had left work and gone to the ocean to stand on on a shore line, set between the sun and the moon and jumped in the water, but “i” was supposed to go all the way in and dunk my head.
I do not know why, but it was clear that if I did not go under the water, I would not have obliged, so I went all the way in and sanctified my purpose? I do not know why i feel this way, most times I just feel like I am insane.
I am just telling you what happened to me, on this particular strange feeling Tuesday. Keep in mind that Tuesday’s are my most painful day. I do not know why, but can tell you all that on Tuesdays, I feel like I should live or die. I feel like the sun and the moon, wherein, one is alive and one is dead, but have this weird feeling that I am wrong about which one is which.
It is an awful feeling thinking that you are dead, when every other “form” on the planet thinks “it’s” alive, but I am not sure which perception is worse; thinking that you are dead, when all other forms perceive alive or thinking you are alive, while all other living beings know you are dead.
For the last several months I have had that weird feeling again, that I am being called to do something that I do not wish to do, but not because I do not wish to oblige, it has more to do with feeling like I am insane or making stuff up in my mind.
I have been feeling like I need to get between the sun and the moon again and it never really seems to be possible, as one is always too low, too high or not in the proper alignment, but on this particular strange feeling Tuesday, I once again felt very motivated to align myself with the sun and the moon.
It is reportedly February and it is nearly zero degrees. I do not know the windchill factor, but the wind is howling and I am driving around trying to get centered. My family own a large parcel of land and it is one of the highest elevations in this community, so I left the house this morning with my winter gear, to once again follow these feelings I have been having for the past couple of months.
I parked my car and set out for the highest point of land. As I walked up the dirt and gravel road I saw three deer a short distance from me. They looked at me for approximately forty-five seconds, before they bound into the woods.
I have to mention also, the three squirrels I have been seeing playing together, for I have either never noticed, or never seen three squirrels actively playing with each other. I have seen them playing in my back yard and in my neighborhood, but do not know which one is the most strange; seeing the same three squirrels playing together in different areas of my neighborhood or seeing different sets of three squirrels actively, and playfully interacting with each other.
After the deer ran away, I continued walking my path with the wind hitting my face and my eyes watering, “i” came to the top of the land and it all leveled off; like a gigantic playing field at the top of a mountain. In truth it is a dump, that has been covered over, but you cannot see the trash anymore. It just looks like a big open field overlooking the community.
There “i” was again, doing something weird because I have these feelings like I am supposed to do this thing, but every other “thing” would think “i am” weird or strange. The act of standing in between what turned out to be a big beautiful sunrise and a gigantic solid full moon, getting ready to set behind a spinning form is not strange, but feeling like I need to get to the highest point in Town, in order to stand myself up in between these two celestial “bodies”, is where I find the oddity.
To brave the painful and bitter cold, to stand atop of the highest point, to be centered between the sun and the full moon is weird, but to think it has some type of divine or demonic meaning is over the top and probably means that I am a wacko. To add in the feeling like there was a higher power beneath me, rather than above me is also very strange.
None the less, there “I” stood, between the sun and the moon again. The one that was setting seven years ago, was now rising and the one that was rising was now setting.
I was standing atop the earth looking out into the heavens, wondering why and thinking that “i am” crazy!
Now, I do not know what is worse, thinking you have somehow been touched by God or Baptized by “CHRIST” himself, or thinking that someone or some “thing” is playing a terrible trick on you.
I am just telling you what happened to me, on this particular strange feeling Tuesday. Keep in mind that Tuesday’s are my most painful day. I do not know why, but can tell you all that on Tuesdays, I feel like I should live or die. That there should be, just one or the other, but not both.
I feel like the sun and the moon, wherein, one is alive and one is dead, but have this weird feeling that I am wrong about which one is which and where to stand.
It is an awful feeling thinking that you are dead, when every other “form” on the planet thinks “it’s” alive, but I am not sure which perception is worse; thinking that you are dead, when all other forms perceive alive or thinking you are alive, while all other living beings know you are “dead”.
I have this weird feeling like I have come here to do something that has never been accomplished before, something that I was supposed to do last time, but failed because I was afraid, because I know what is going to happen. Half the forms are going to laugh at me and the other half are going to want to destroy me, negate me, hurt me or my family.
If I try to spark the “life” and “it” does not ignite, “I” would have failed again!
Now I have done it; I have gone and said a crazy thing…