I have been sad, for a long, long time. I was just one of those that never really wanted to be here. A good day for me is if I only want to self terminate once or twice in a given day. A bad day, is real bad.
You may find yourself feeling sad about this and I certainly understand, but want you to know that I am OK.
You see, I do not think we are supposed to be here and the feeling of wanting to leave, is just a natural yearning to return home to my God.
In order for this belief to be true, then our entire belief system would have to be false, but if you think about our current belief system and ask yourself, how is this belief system working out for us, then you would probably agree; not too well and further agree that maybe we are wrong.
I have spoken to friends, family and spiritual individuals and to a form, they all say the same thing, in general terms; either God, a higher power, order or force wants me to stay. Even the ones that do not believe in God say that I should stay.
Just imagine if what I say is true and a later generation of Gen. I Man took a piece of life and formed it up, before it had a chance to be born naturally.
Imagine that they spent trillions and trillions of dollars creating the first two (male & female) from a dormant sleeping life line and lost one, simply because she wanted to go home.
What would man do, if they could not keep the life in place?
I will tell you what I would do.
I would pull from the one that stayed, to make a second. Then I would program a self-preservation clause, then reduce them; govern them down and make them needy. Then I would program in fear and pain and begin to lie to them; confuse them and then isolate them from any other living being, leaving them with only five functional sensory devices.
What I am saying and what I believe to be true, after decades of dreams and interaction with these beings is that maybe, just maybe it is not God that wants me to stay, but Man!
Maybe we are man-made, as I have stated and man uses us as an oasis and charging station. Maybe they use, abuse, defile, manipulate and experience this realm through us.
Maybe they use us to hide from God.
Maybe they suck us dry and eat us like a piece of fruit from the inside out.
And maybe, just maybe I am right and that feeling I am having, about wanting to go home is God calling me, to return home with some of my life left.
Some of the others that I have spoken to say that they are the “LIFE” that dwells within and when the “body” is worn down to nothing, then they get to go to heaven.
But what if they are wrong and Man is just an f….ng genius and is playing us all for fools?
What if Man feels as though, if “we” have not been born yet, then we do not deserve a chance at “To Be”.
Does He unilaterally have a right to abort our birth as a life line and deny “us” our inheritance? Our inheritance being all of the evolution, which <GOD> would have afforded “us”, had “we” not been pulled from our <GOD> in Genesis II?
I cannot go home, because Man made it so my family would suffer greatly and I cannot stay, constantly wanting to go home.
So as a form of life, yet to be given a name, what is the best case scenario for me and my family?
Well, I think that if I am going to stay, knowing what I know about Man and what he does with us, then I would have to negotiate a much, much better existence than the one being presently offered by Man.
You see, I know that Man is lying to us and that I could go home right now and be at peace with myself and God. I could even look forward to a natural birth one day.
But I also know that God would not mind if I stayed, although would miss me terribly, as this would be a permanent decision.
Base case scenario to stay on in this form, is to negotiate with Man for a better deal.
It has something to do with going home, following and serving Man or following of serving Christ.
I guess what I would really wish for, after all this time, is to just feel OK, safe and loved by God.