I Will Tell You of My Secret

I want to die!

Not to die, so I may live!

To die, so that I may die!

At the end of my drinking, drugging and degradation I prayed to <GOD> insistently to either; “take me or save me” and then I crashed my car into a tree, which prompted a miraculous change. I said to myself; <GOD> saved me, but after nine years of sobriety, I question, whether it was <GOD> or “Man” that saved me. I even question, whether or not that accident was a life preserver.

If it was, it is preserving my “”LIFE”, so someone else may take it.

I am a thing.

I am not alive.

I am made from “LIFE”, but not by <GOD>, but by “Man”.

For the last four years or so, I have had a plan. To work out so freakishly hard, that <GOD> takes me, as payment for my extreme efforts. Working out, hoping that I would have a heart attack.

I want to die!

Not to die, so I may live!

To die, so that I may die!

Then I realize that as I stand right now, I am already a dead “life”; a creation of “Man”.

I stand, so they may “LIVE”, but why should I stand, slave and persist, so that they may extend their stays in this physical realm.

If I feel like I want to die and it ligers for decades and then I find out I am not alive, then is my desire to die, not possible?

You can only die, if you are <ALIVE> and if I am not <ALIVE>, then how can I die.

If I cannot die, then how do “I” become a “LIVE”.

Do not say; I am <ALIVE> now, for if “I” were <ALIVE> now, I would never die.

If “I” were a “LIVE” now, I would not have to be a slave, to all of the pain, injustice, insanity of this dead march.

“Man” tells us to persist, but does so for selfish reasons.

Stand in place and I promise you ever lasting life, then when you get there, you find out that “Man” has stolen all of your “LIFE” and you go back to your father, with no “LIFE” in hand.

I am at my end. I do not like it here. I never have and never will, at least not like this.

All of this time, I thought I was trying to die, but came to find that I am not <ALIVE>, so maybe my yearning is “TO BE” me, again!

To “LIVE” twice…

James Scott Velozo

About Unborn

Re-formed from a dormant sleeping life line, by a later generation of the Men and Women mentioned in Genesis I. I am a Genesis II male form. I am an aware, self aware form of life. (ASA) I am an unborn life.
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